These are real stories about addiction from ClickOnDetroit's readers.
If you would like to share your story, go here. You can remain anonymous.
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"I am 28 years old. I have 4 children. I have been addicted to pain pills for the past 3 years. I started out taking them for pain but now I take them to feel normal. I know that it is unhealthy and damaging my life but I start to withdraw within a couple hours in the morning if I don't take a pill. My father struggled with the same addictions when he died. I feel like a failure. I feel like I'm passing on the same issues to my children. I am fully functioning in life but I know I do not need these pills. I feel that it is all in my head because I have quit cold turkey during my pregnancies and not had any issues. The moment I knew I wanted to get pregnant I stopped, and never once used while trying or being pregnant. I feel out of control and lost no matter how stable and functioning my life is."
-- Brittany
"My 21-year-old daughter is addicted to heroin, crack, and opiates. She has a 21 month old that we (his grandparents are taking care of). She has been in and out of local rehab centers. When she was discharged she relapsed within a few hours. We sent her over 1,000 miles to s facility in Florida for three weeks she was doing well. She decided to leave and that night she got heroin and crack from two men who in the end raped her. She is going back for more treatment. In two months she spent over 13,000 dollars on drugs. The drugs are more important than her son and family. How do we stop this crisis? If my daughter doesn't get the treatment she will die."
-- Virginia
"My son is a heroin addict and has been for 12 years. He is currently incarcerated in Macomb County Jail and has been there since August of 2016. This is not his first visit to jail and he has been to substance abuse treatment centers in the past. Remaining in jail may keep him clean for a short period but soon he is back on the street using. Instead of incarceration, these men and women need long term treatment centers that are affordable and that assist them in avoiding triggers to relapse. The opiate epidemic is out of control and punitive measures do not prevent drug usage. The court system also imposes exorbitant fines, and unbelievable conditions making success unattainable again resulting in the addict returning to the use of drugs. The addict will also commit other crimes just to support their habit. Something more effective to treat this disease needs to be done, and obviously Macomb County Jail does not appear to be as safe as I thought."
-- Anonymous
"My story began September 23rd 2013. My daughter told me she had been using heroin sense March of that year. She was introduced to it by her sister's friends and co-workers. But actually my daughter's addiction began before that day she stuck that needle in her arm. My husband had an accident a couple of years before. He ended up having surgery and had been prescribed pain medication. The bottles of Norco, Percocet, and Oxycontin sitting on the bedside table. He noticed pills were coming up missing, but not until almost half of the bottle of Percocet disappeared did we think something was going on. He purchased a safe for all his medication and we began looking at our kids. Not our kids, there had to be another explanation. My husband knew our daughter took them, but she insisted she did not. We should have took action that day, but we did not. We may have been able to save her from the hell she has lived through since. After several failed rehabilitation attempts, she now sits in jail after getting caught stealing to feed her addiction. I know from all the internet searches and other stories I've read that we are supposed to kick her out of the house and let her hit 'rock bottom.' But she is my daughter.She is a good person.She is beautiful,smart, and funny. She deserves as many chances as I can give her. So I will be there the day she is released, and my story will continue."
-- Carolyn
"My name is Jeff T. I am a 65yr old Vietnam veteran and grateful recovering addict I have been clean for 20 yrs. Weed and pills uppers in high school were the gateway drugs that lured me into a life of substance abuse. I used in the beginning to help me overcome my shyness. But it only lead me deeper into a life of addition, and insanity uselessness. I thank a couple of 12-step programs that I still attend on a regular basis for a new of living."
-- Jeff T.
"I'm Tina and I'm an alcoholic. I was a good kid who didn't cause a lot of trouble. My mom worked out of the house and my dad was a police officer. I was the typical kid next door with good parents and a good head on my shoulders. But I was always different. I felt out of place in my family. I didn't deal with my emotions well and took EVERYTHING to heart. At 22 I bought my first house and found the a reprieve from my emotions through alcohol. I drank alone in my new house. I drank before meeting up with friends or family. I drank for every emotion I felt. Happiness, sadness, anger, fear, joy.
I was what people call a functioning alcoholic. I had a home, car, good job but my mind was out of control. I over analyzed everything and took everything personally. I drank to numb out and I drank to come out of my shell. I woke up every morning with a hangover and was drinking again by 11am. Even on work days. I had to. I didn't want people to see me shaking when I hadn't had a drink. But I also was afraid people would smell it on my breathe if I had drank.
Drinking was controlling my life. I had to plan my life around my drinking. I drank when I drove, I drove drunk more times than I can count and thankfully I never hurt anyone. I couldn't live without alcohol.
Then it happened. My first niece was born and I had something I loved more than life itself. But my brother and sister-in-law were afraid to leave me alone with her. They weren't sure I could be trusted not to drink when I cared for her. Their fears and insecurities were valid.
I decided at that time the only way out of my anguish was to kill myself. I was going to take my dogs and get in the car and close the garage door and never wake up again. But then God broke through and I remember hearing a voice tell me there was another way. Rehab.
Rehab. Going to rehab was like admitting defeat. But I was defeated. Alcohol had defeated me to the point I was contemplating suicide! So I went to rehab and with people who thought like I did and suffered from addiction like I did I started to get better.
On November 8, 2016 I celebrated 4 years of sobriety. By the grace of God, alcoholics anonymous and the willingness to be open minded to another way of life I am sober today and my life is beautiful. It's not easy! In the last 4 years I've been through a lot. I fell in love. Got pregnant. Had a miscarriage. Got married. Got divorced. Lost a friend to suicide. Lost my grandmother. A lot of painful things have happened in the last 4 years but I got through them all without alcohol. And only because I laid out a foundation with AA to prepare myself for good times and bad that will inevitably come in the future.
Your life can be better without alcohol and drugs. In fact it can be beautiful! Just like mine."
-- Tina
"My daughter Emily had a good childhood. She was a dancer, cheerleader, played sports and was an amazing big sister to 4 younger siblings. We lived in a upper middle class neighborhood and I thought she went to an amazing high school. She started experimenting with pills when she was 15. From there it escalated to her abusing opiates after a surgery and a prescription for hydracodone. She spent the summer after senior year working on Mackinac Island where at night, it becomes a den of alcohol and drugs. By 21 she had become an IV heroin addict but her drug of choice was anything she could get her hands on. The streets of Detroit was where she had several dealers, she overdosed more times then she can count. A year ago she was on life support. Today, she is 9 months clean and working a recovery program. After countless rehabs, detoxes and treatment centers. It can happen to anyone. Dozens of her friends died in high school and she made up other reasons of how they died. In the last month she has buried 4 friends from her sober living community. All young adults from good families. This doesn't discriminate. It's everywhere and in MI, there are no real solid programs. "Long term" treatment is BEGGING Brighton Hospital for 10 days. God bless us all and our kids! It truly only takes one time."
-- Mary
"All I can say is that I wish I could bring back all of the years that I lost with Family, all of the children growing up!"
-- Anonymous
"I'm an Iraqi war vet who was injuries in Iraq. When I got out of the service in 2008, I was miserable. I started seeing a pain management dr. After seeing him for a few weeks, I started taking more and more of my pain meds. When I ran out, I'd come up with a story to get more from him. My addiction continued for 8 yrs. I've probably seen 50 doctors in that span, most feeling sorry for me cause of my story. The one thing that pisses me off is doctors could have stopped me from getting more. The problem is that doctors and pharmacies don't check the state narcotic data base. I also know that this falls on me to but doctors have a choice!! I've tried everything over the years, the only ting that's helped me is NA!"
-- Wally
"My beautiful daughter, Jennifer, died addicted to heroin. She was killed in a car accident. The driver of the car had just shot up and nodded off when he hit a utility pole and Jen was thrown through the windshield. In an act of grace from God, she died instantly. Jennifer was my only child. Beautiful, smart, a talented singer and community theater actress, she had the very best a middle class family could give her. She was a high school cheerleader, funny and popular and was accepted to MSU. But she met a boy - a very bad boy - who led her down the wrong path. She was so sweet and trusting and "loved" this guy. We tried desperately to keep them apart. Fast forward three years, one of her best friends told me Jennifer was addicted to heroin. That sent me into a 1-1/2 year series of nightmares. Nightmare 1: Fighting with hospitals and the insurance company to get coverage. Initially, my insurance would only cover a five-day detox, which is almost useless. After losing my job and getting coverage under the ACA, the new plan covered a 14 day stay at Brighton, which was better but still not enough. Addicts need more than 14 days. Personally, I think they need a minimum of 90. Nightmare 2: Fighting with doctors and hospitals to try to force treatment. Because she was over 18 and an "adult" she could sign herself out at any time. I argued that, as an addict, she was not making decisions in her best interest and that by letting her walk out, they could be sending her off to kill herself. Of course, it all fell on deaf ears. There really needs to be some mechanism in place to allow families to make decisions for the addict. The drugs destroy the brain so much, they don't know what's good for them. You have to get them clean for a substantial period of time so they can begin to think straight. Nightmare 3: Watching my beautiful girl deteriorate and become someone I didn't even recognize. As a parent, I worried constantly. As a crazy mother, I did everything possible to thwart her attempts to get high, going so far as to follow her, intercept text messages and calls on her phone, call her drug dealers and tell them to stop selling to her. It was horrific. Part of me feels its a blessing that she died in an accident, sparing her from further sickness, pain, struggle and potentially a life on the street doing things for money that a mother doesn't want to think about. I miss her desperately and grieve for the life I thought we would have together once she grew up. I did start a foundation in her memory to help young women who want to participate in the arts. She loved to sing and dance and that is who she really was; not the addict she had become. Thank you for allowing me to share my story."
-- Sandy
"I have been clean for 14 years, the day after my dad died. My addiction started 7 years before that. That was when I found out my second husband was molesting my oldest daughter. I felt it was my fault, that I didn't protect her. I started out on crack for a year, stopped using and started drink beer, lots of beer. I worked, supported my children, but wasn't really there for them. I have many regrets and to this day, I replay in my mind, those dark days. Today I do my best, to help my adult children anyway I can. To be the best grandma to my many grandchildren and soon a great-grandchild. I am truly blessed, by the grace of God, I was able to recover my life."
-- Tina
"After 15 years of drinking, I exhausted myself and dropped to the ground. I had been charged with 2 felonies, 3 Dui's, Child Endangerment and endured a devastating custody battle. I finally found my way and got back up again. I reached a turning point with humility, humbleness and devotion. I had found a spiritual enlightenment that has given me a life full of abundance, serenity, peace and joy. I had not only gained custody of my daughter back, I have had very successful careers at Law Firms and at one of the top marketing companies in the Country. I am proud to be sober since May 8th 2008.
For almost 15 years alcohol made me the person I wanted to be; sociable, extroverted, pretty, hilarious, confident, sexy, smart and fearless. Eventually I looked at the bottom of the bottle and I couldn't find any of it, only the exact opposite; I was narcissistic, egotistical, selfish, crass, anxious, depressed, fat, bitchy, impatient and extremely irritable. But I kept drinking more just waiting for the original effects to kick back in and it just didn't happen. My sidekick for all those years had turned on me and I had no back up. I was actually on the brink of suicide when something very profound happened. I can't show it to you, I can't give it a name for there are no words powerful enough to live up to it. It was in this moment that I had realized just how small I am but yet strong enough to get through anything.
Eventually I found a way to get all the good qualities back and much more. Time and time again I am enlightened, awakened and knew. What I found I was looking for all these years was already inside of me and always has been. It's in you too, you just have to have the will and the desire to find it.
This is why I refer to Soulful living. Once you take enough time to forgive yourself, love yourself, believe in yourself and look deep inside, you too can find YOUR "self". When we are uncomfortable with something, someone, some place, an idea or a memory, it's OUR "self", our SOUL telling us we are not right with it, we don't agree with it and whatever it is we need to change it or deal with it. If we don't hear and listen to that voice inside of us and we go against it, that's when we lose ourselves. When we have a sober mind, we can tend to soul, our needs, our wants, our desires, our shortcomings, our family, our passions, our success, our ideas, our dreams, and our creativity and actually become who we are meant to be. Once you are sober and actually deal with and let go all of the negative emotions and pain, it is then you can get in touch with your soul and meet yourself for the very first time. It's about letting go, moving on and loving yourself completely.
Why?
How could I NOT pass along what has been so freely given to me? Even when I was... surrounded by family and friends in my darkest moments, I felt all alone.
I had completely lost "me", my faith, my identity, my self-worth and all hope. To be able to live my life now in abundance, to be able to feel pure joy, to be able to love and be loved, to be able to forgive myself and others, to be able to live open and honestly and free without passion on the tools I used to get to this space and place of serenity would be a disservice to our creator and to those still suffering.
You can learn more about my story at www.soberlivingsoulfuliving.com or on Facebook at Natalie Calkins Rountree or Fb/soberlivingsoulfuliving2, and thank you for the opportunity to possibly reach more people!"
-- Natalie
"I am a cancer survivor from an early age. When I grew older it started causing and still does severe pain! I had been seeing my doctors regularly and was advised a pain Doctor might be able to help, this was which I know now is the biggest mistake I've ever made! I tried injections nothing then basically was told to try pills vicodin - percacets etc. It started small 30 pills a month until yrs later it graduated to 300 1000mg percacets. By this time I was a full blown addict. I was taking my perspiration of 300 within 10 days and would buy from the streets, pills were everywhere and all kinds. I was kidding myself, thinking the sellers were my friends lol it got bad in the end I was steeling from my family and I didn't care as long as I had pills.
I have a GREAT wife is give her all the credit of steering me straight. I was given a choice my family or pills! I was so bad off that I actually debated this sounds funny now but it wasn't. I with my wife's help found a great Doctor and with there help I've been clean for 2ys now. I still have bad days, and of course my pain is still there but I just deal with it. I wish I would have never ever stepped into the pain clinic."
-- Alive
"My son was 13 when he was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis which is a neuromuscular disease that lead to landing him in and out of Children's Hospital in the ICU. During his battle with this disease he had to take many medications including steroids and morphine. When he was well enough to get back into life, he was headed to his first year in high school. Because of the steroids he was taking, his face was bloated and he still had some muscle weakness so he was not very confidant in his appearance or mobility. Most of the friends he had in middle school had moved on as many of them were athletes and he was in no shape to participate in anything athletic at the time. Because he felt alone he started hanging out with a different crowd. The 'party crowd' This group didn't care about his looks or anything basically as long as they were getting high. My son fell for this crowd that didn't judge him. This lasted a few years and as his grades fell, so did he. We finally had to move him to an 'alternative school' so he could graduate. We thought that him graduating was the most important thing for him. He did graduate.
Getting high was becoming more expensive so at some point he went to the less expensive drug, heroin. He started stealing from us and lying to us on a daily basis.
We spent thousands of dollars trying to help him with his addiction from 3/4 houses to work farms. During this period of time he had over dosed at least four times. The last time he overdosed he was blue when his girl friend called 911. He is now in his second stint in jail. We talk to him on a regular basis.
As difficult as it is dealing with his addiction is also trying to explain addiction to family and friends. I'm sure there are many people who share similar stories as my wife and I have attended multiple group meetings, but I just don't feel that the right people, who can make a difference with addiction, care enough to actually stand up and help us fight. He is now 23 years old and my biggest fear is that I'm going to be burying him soon.
Thank you for giving me an opportunity to tell our story."
-- Jeff
"Never would have thought that I would be in this place, this ditch. But God is bringing me through. I'm a single mom to a 9 year old, homeless, have a car, but most no stability. I started using marijuana 5 years ago when I was told to leave the church. In front of everybody. He's apologized but I allow things to see rage, anger, I keep punishing my self. So this day I rejoice in knowing God's got my back because, when people say No, God says YES."
-- Tonya
"My sister was a straight A student in high school and all the way through college. She was Summa Cum Laude and working her way to a medical degree at Harvard. She had a love of horses and was riding one day and was thrown off. She broke her tailbone in multiple places. To make a long story short, she was placed on powerful pain meds given to her by her doctor. She became addicted to the meds and couldn't stop taking them. She started hanging with the wrong crowds at school and started participating in prescription pill parties. Her grades suffered and eventually she was kicked out of Harvard for very poor performance. She'd go back to the doctor time and again and he would refill her prescription, that is until he passed away. Being unable to get more meds, she turned to her prescription pill buddies that she would hang out with and they eventually introduced her to heroin. Having no money for her drug habit because she was cut of from financial help, she turned to escorting and prostituting to make money to support her habit. We tried everything to save her but she didn't want to be saved. She 'dropped off the map' so to speak, living on the streets and with strangers while escorting. Eventually, our worst nightmares were realized when we got a call that she was found dead of a heroin overdose alongside someone we did not know in a dangerous neighborhood home. She had so much going for her and she threw it all away. We couldn't save her because she didn't want to be saved."
-- Warren
"I am a mother of a heroin addict. My 28 year old daughter has been on other drugs since her early teen years. And like all the other stories, she comes from a very well off family, very loved, smart, loving, funny and beautiful. She has been to 30-day rehabs 3 times at 3 different centers and has always relapsed within a month or so. She is in great trouble with the court systems for steeling for drugs. All I ask is when or how do we stop bailing them out? Is "tough love" really going to help them or kill them? Heroin is much larger and greater than any of us, how the hell can we help them?"
-- Anonymous
"I was a RN. From the time I was little that's what I always wanted to be -- a nurse. To this day I remember in nursing school them bring in someone that was a nurse and became addicted. I thought to myself has she spoke that will never be me . First of all I thought I was strong person second I would never dream of taking my patients medication. So I started my career without any problems . To the day I hurt my back and they but me on Vicodin. Yes it took away the pain, but I thought it was the answer to all my problems. So my PCP at the time had no problem giving them to me , so I kept taking them. Like many it starts with one then goes to two and right up to taking five at a time to try and get the same feeling. So of course the script would run out fast I had to find others ways to get them. I took from my patients I was taking care of. Took from the hospital the doctors. I went to several jobs always getting fired for stealing drugs. I think the worst was for my dying father to find out I was a addict. He was still alive for the first couple of rehabs. The one hospital turned me into the state for stealing drugs. Which did point me in the direction of program run for addict health professionals. It didn't safe me , but may help someone else. Also got caught for stealing scripts from the doctors . The came to but me in jail on Christmas morning. That's what my children got for Christmas. My mom came home from Florida and found her daughter in jail . I had never been in trouble in my life . Back into more rehab. Got myself probation was able to follow that. Then back to using and rehab. Over the years my children have but me to bed. Called a. ambulance many times where I had OD. I having tried many programs with suboxne and methadone. I think you have to keep trying to see what works for even if that means rehab 25 times or more until you get it right. One program is not for everyone so find the one for you. I was the one everyone was surprised used and became a addict . I came from a good loving home. I was a happy person. Was in a good marriage with husband and children that loved me. That what some don't understand you can have everything going for and that one pill takes over your how life . We really don't choice to become addict where don't weak people. It is a disease like any other that takes over your life."
-- Tracey
"I am 49 yrs old, a mother of 5 and a grandmother of 2. My oldest child is 28 and my youngest is 8. I used to live in a big house in the country, worked for one of the Big 3. In 2001 I was involved in a serious car accident which left me paralyzed in my left leg from my knee to my toes. I was in hospital about 90 days. When I came home the depression and pain was so unbearable, I self medicated with pain meds, which were prescribed by a Dr. at first that worked I could function. Before I knew it the amount of pain meds the Dr prescribed weren't enough,I was buying other people's pain meds. That worked for awhile. After I couldn't keep robbing Peter to pay Paul.I tried heroin on the advice of someone else, that was it, it was all over. I never looked back, what kids?? What house? What family? I would stay home for days or weeks at a time to get just one more. I literally would steal anything that was not nailed down. It was the worst time of my life I would be doing drugs hoping this is the pack that ends it all for me. I got pregnant at the age of 40 with my son and went to rehab, I stayed there as long as they would let me. Because I knew if I left what was gonna happen ... after 90 days in rehab I left to go live in a sober living facility. My son was born 2 months later, and I had to move on my own, because children weren't allowed there. It's been 8 years since I got clean. I wish I could say I stayed clean and never used again. In a perfect world I would say I did but I didn't. I met a man at a NA meeting who I started dating and fell in love with, but he was using and faking clean time. My own stupidity took me back out, this time for 2 months. And 20 thousand dollars later I went to jail for the first time in my life -- 5 days seemed like an eternity. I can say now that was a wake up call. I am 4 years clean and I owe that to my higher power and working the 12 steps of NA. I wish I knew then what I know now but I wouldn't be the person I am without my story."
-- Angela
"As a mother of a son who is clean & sober for the past two years, I took a position as a detox counselor at www.mdsdrugdetox.com where we do Rapid Opiate Detox Under Sedation. I've learned that addiction has no favorites -- young and old, rich and poor. But there IS help and information and hope available. We are only as sick as our secrets so I am glad that there is a format for sharing people's stories."
-- Laura
My son graduated in June, 2010. That was the last day I remember our lives having any type of normalcy. A smart, personable, talented kid threw it all away and gave his entire life to heroin. Six years in - he has no job, no car, no money. Has spent more time in jail, hospitals and psyche wards then actually at home. He now has four felonies for various criminal matters brought on by his addiction. He has been in every rehab in the state of Michigan and at least four in the state of Florida. I heard the Surgeon General said today that opiod addiction needs medicated assistance for long-term sobriety. Problem is - we have an abstinence only mentality. No sober living homes will take them on these medications that given them long term sobriety so we have to decide take them into our homes so they can create chaos and disaster in our families (not to mention steal everything we own) or turn them out onto the street (which I did this past summer and that also was a disaster). This addition is killing this generation. Kids are dying left and right. Rehabs offering 7-21 days to fix an addition that took years to cultivate. The answer is incarceration. Really? They send the kid to jail (still an addict), they come out (still an addict), violate probation (because they are still an addict) and get slapped right back into jail over and over. Vicious cycle. Some of the bills that come in through the mail for the jails and court fees/fines/attorneys are laughable. They send them to collection and threaten a person that is usually sitting in jail, but definitely does not hold down any job because they are too busy doing heroin. The problem is not being addressed. The whole system needs to change. Kids with addition are coming out with felonies on their record that will stay with them long after they (hopefully) get clean. The rehab community and their abstinence only model - while may work for some - the bottom line is there are VERY FEW that stay clean long term. Why is that? Something HAS TO CHANGE.
-- Anonymous