There were certainly some top-shelf toys over the years. But while Star Wars toys and Rubik's Cubes are the ones that'll be in the Smithsonian or buried in time capsules, there were a ton of well-loved toys that may have been the second stringers, but were awesome nonetheless.
Best of all -- the toy makers used revolt and disgust as their muses.
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And for some reason -- no matter how gross they were -- moms actually allowed them. In fact, you could see moms in the commercials seemingly endorsing them.
While little Billy made his own concoction with the Vomitorium, mom would usually come in his room and make that "Oh, Billy..." look while she rolled her eyes, put his dirty clothes in a basket, and then walked out.
Disgusting toys seemed to hit their peak in the 1980s, but they are timeless in their appeal. Just like these five ...
No. 5: Madballs
Madballs were soft, squishy foam rubber balls that were sculpted to look like monster heads. But they weren't just any monster heads. They may have eye patches, scars, bandages, seeping pus -- you name it.
They sported names like "Foul Shot," which was a basketball with worms crawling out of its head and eye sockets; "Oculus Orbis," which was an eyeball; and "Slobulus," which was a drooling monster with its eye hanging out.
One of the balls was a head with an exposed brain named "Crack Head." The manufacturer later changed its name to "Bash Brain", because they didn't want there to be some connection between cocaine enthusiast crack heads and Madballs.
Madballs reached such popularity that they even spawned video games and a cartoon. In fact, there's even a Madballs game for your iPod.
No. 4: Mad Scientist Monster Lab
Kids today are really missing out. Sure, they have their PS3s and iPods, but that really teaches them nothing about torture. In the 1980s, we had an awesome toy called "The Mad Scientist Monster Lab."
It's basic function was to let the budding mad scientist learn the basics of hurting things.
In the box was a little tank that you filled with "Powdered Monster Flesh Remover." Then you'd mix it with the "Secret Froth Formula" to make a truly B-movie-esque acid bath. Next, using plastic bones, you'd create your monster's skeleton and then apply "Monster Flesh Compound" around the skeleton.
When you creation was complete, just give him a bath in the acid and it would strip the flesh right off his skeleton.
This was a great toy and probably gave budding serial killers something to do without torturing small animals.
No. 3: Queasy Bake Cookerator Oven
Once your creative juices were flowing making and torturing your own monsters, a snack would really take the edge off.
Everyone's sister owned an Easy Bake Oven -- and they were surprisingly useful -- if you were into making tiny little cakes with a light bulb.
But boys had a problem -- they weren't manful enough.
Years later, Hasbro retooled the venerable Easy Bake Oven to make it more boy friendly. They took off all the girly pink plastic and replaced it with blood and an illuminated scary face.
In the set were ingredients to make worms, bugs, and brains. So, while your sister was making a little chocolate cake with delightful chiffon frosting, you could make a stack of worms, served with a bleeding brain.
Yummy!
No. 2: Creepy Crawlers
"Creepy Crawlers" is actually a toy that dates back to the mid-1960s. In fact, I think my high school shop class used one to teach a lesson about making your own fishing lures.
What Creepy Crawlers did was give you a set of metal molds shaped like insects and worms. Into those you would squeeze liquid plastic (also known as "Goop").
A few minutes in an Easy Bake-esque Oven, and the things would be set up and ready for terrorizing your sister.
Creepy Crawlers went off the market in the early '80s, but you can't keep a disgusting toy down -- they were back in the 90s.
The liquid plastic even came in different varieties, including glow in the dark, scented, and glitter selections. Somehow, this toy even managed to spur a TV show that lasted for two seasons.
No. 1: Garbage Pail Kids
The Garbage Pail Kids were trading cards and stickers that featured kids with some abnormality, that was meant to gross out even the most seasoned preteen boy.
The line included such characters as Itchy Ritchie (a kid with a skin condition), Potty Scotty (seen spending quality time in a toilet), and Frigid Bridget (a girl frozen in a block of ice).
The Garbage Pail Kids were inspired by the looks of the Cabbage Patch Kids, a trait that did not escape Coleco, which sued Garbage Pail Kids-maker Topps for copyright infringement.
Like others on our list, the Garbage Pail Kids spawned a movie and even a TV show. But don't let it be said that over reactive moms are complacent -- the show was delayed for a while because some moms raised a ruckus. But, America, being the awesome country that it is, still allowed it to be aired.
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