Online dating is a growing way for singles to meet, but it's also an opportunity for scammers to target you because they prey on emotion.
Such is the story of one metro Detroit woman Ruth to the Rescue interviewed. While she agreed to share her story, she asked that her last name and face be kept private. The woman has a warning message for others.
Diane, a college-educated professional, said she tried online dating because she thought it would fit into her busy life. She also said she found chatting online was easier than making contact on an awkward first date.
"If you go, and meet in a restaurant and you don't like him, it's hard to get out of it," she said.
Love blooms online
"I met this one guy and he just won me over," Diane said.
At first, her experience sounded like a romantic movie. She was being wooed by a man who seemed to say all of the right things.
"He was very attractive," Diane said. "He was from Detroit."
Before we go too far, let's make one thing clear: this kind of romantic manipulation can happen to anyone.
"It's extremely common," said Dr. Donna Rockwell, a clinical psychologist. "We need to understand that we're human beings. We have human longings."
Something doesn't sound right
Diane's said she first became suspicious of her online love interest when she noticed a change on his profile. He was quick to calm her nerves.
"First he was in Detroit, then he was in California, which I found was kind of strange. But he was saying things that make you feel good and you just kind of block it out," Diane said.
The man she was speaking with said his name was Michael. He told Diane that he was a soldier in Afghanistan who changed his profile's location in order to meet more friends.
Not long after that, Michael asked for cash. He said he wanted to speak with Diane over the phone but that the call would cost $500 -- and that all of his money was tied up back in America.
"I said, 'Why do you need money? You don't have to communicate.' And he said over in Afghanistan they have regulations," Diane said.
She was nervous and reluctant, but he was persuasive.
"He's good at talking," Diane said. "He's good at winning you over."
She sent him $500 via MoneyGram.
"I was so excited. I thought I was going to cry because I'm going to get to hear him," Diane said. But when she finally heard his voice, it quickly became clear that Michael was not who he said he was.
"My heart just sunk because I couldn't understand a word he was saying," she said. "He has a really thick accent."
Diane asked for her money back, but he said he could not get the cash.
"I cried a lot. I was done with men," Diane said.
Michael contacted her again.
"He's trying to get more money out of me now. He wants me to send him home," Diane said.
Diane is sharing her story to prevent others from going through the pain she felt. She said she's read about all kinds of similar horror stories in numerous online chat rooms.
"I'm more angry now. I want to let people be aware of these guys are out there," she said.
How to protect your heart and money
Rockwell says everyone needs to be cautious in key moments.
"To hear with your head, to listen with your heart, but to follow your gut," she said. "The gut doesn't lie, the heart can lie, the head can lie, but never the gut."
Rockwell also says to consult a trusted circle of friends for guidance on how to approach sketchy scenarios. Diane said she didn't ask friends for their advice and admits it's because she didn't want to hear their answers.
Finally, Rockwell says people need to be much more skeptical when dating online because you cannot check up on those people as easily.
"They don't go to our church or temple. We don't know them, and you don't know the persona that can he cast online in order to win you and woo you," she said.
More online dating tips
- Never wire money to anyone. It can't be tracked and it's impossible to get back.
- If someone asks for money or personal information and you haven't met, consider that a huge red flag.
- Plan your first meeting in public. Don't have them meet you at home, and don't share your address until you're 100% comfortable with that person.
- You could even consider making the first meeting a group date with other people.
- Go Dutch by paying half the bill.
- Remember alcohol affects your judgment. You may want to avoid any alcohol during first meeting. If you do drink, keep your beverage within sight at all times.
- Use your own transportation and make sure you have more than enough gas.
- Avoid secluded areas.
- Listen to your gut. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. And if you haven't met him before, and you know at the beginning of the date that something doesn't feel right, then leave immediately.
- Always let someone else know where you're going. Be sure someone knows where you are going and who you'll be with. You might even consider arranging a time to call and check in. Or you could arrange to meet up with friends later that night.
- Always remain alert. Even if you're having a blast and the chemistry is great, it's a good idea to remain alert the whole evening. Make sure you have a cellphone on you.