It’s time.
We need a bigger Big Tire.
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Uniroyal needs to step up it’s game and get with the times. It’s 2022. Everything is bigger. Well except Tigers ticket sales but that’s a different blog.
Why can’t we have a bigger Big Tire? Toarmina’s largest pizza dwarfs Domino’s. They’re building the Gordie Howe Bridge to Canada, which is going to make the Ambassador Bridge look like a joke. We have three newer sports stadiums that all replaced older structures. Michigan Central train station has windows.
Windows!
Why must we set ourselves up for ridicule? You know someone from Texas has been down 94 after flying into Metro and they’re like, “you call that a Big Tire? Son, son where I’m from that’s what I have on my tractor. Someone should shoot that thing and put it out of its misery.”
Now I know the tire used to be the Ferris wheel at the New York’s World’s Fair almost sixty years ago. And it’s wild to see those old pics. And sure it was cute when Uniroyal stuck a giant nail in it to advertise run-flat tires or whatever.
But it’s time for it to be twice the size, with chrome rims and a low-profile look. There also needs to be LED lights and a smoke machines. And a DJ with dancers dropping a beat. And an animatronic rapper standing on top.
“This ain’t a wheel you can steal, step off man this tire is fire;
Crimes it will foil on this soil, no matter your toil;
Uniroyal. Word to your lugnuts.”
As with all of my genius ideas, you’re welcome.
Watch Jason Carr Live, weekdays from 8 a.m. to 9:45 a.m., streaming live on Local 4+ and ClickOnDetroit.