Come with me to Chatham’s and let us wander the vast array of old school deliciousness.
First on our grocery list: Fig Newtons. Not sure what the jelly filling is made of because I have never tried an actual fig. So actually I’m taking the Newtons at their word. It’s a leap of faith. But there’s just something about the spongy crumbliness of the pouch. Or is it a pillow? It’s a very specific mouth feel—the same way you could be blindfolded and bite into a Pop Tart and know instantly it’s a Pop Tart.
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Rounding the corner now, grabbing a jar of Taster’s Choice. No coffee tastes like T.C. and you are literally making a choice by drinking it. Oh, I see the Coffee-Mate. Need the snag that as a side car.
Heading down the aisle I spy some Ritz crackers and Spray Cheese. Put those in the cart. Oh! Oh! Oh! Funyuns! Heck yeah. Funyuns, you need to be up top here with my in the child seat, not down in steerage with the Fig Newtons. Who’s a good snack? Whooooo’s a good snack! Funyuns!
Soup aisle for the win. Awwwww snap: Chef Boyardee Mini Ravioli’s. You best believe I’m buying five of those. Plus, they’re on special here at Chatham’s. Great Scott and Farmer Jack sure aren’t selling these gourmet cans of orange goo and pasta for five for five bucks, I’ll tell you that.
Over in frozen foods we luckily discover there’s only one Steak Umm package left. Can’t wait to load that mystery meat up on a hoagie roll with Velveeta and go to town in the toaster oven.
Final tally at the checkout: $17.89 out the door. Boy that 1981 inflation will get you, won’t it? Must be the cost of Newtons went up.
What is a Newton, anyway?
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