ANN ARBOR, Mich. – The bin was piled high with bedding, a mattress topper, rolling suitcase, storage bins, snacks, lamps and a PlayStation as we wheeled it through West Quad to my son’s dorm room.
It was a group effort -- Josh, my daughters Caroline and Kitty, and me -- sweating it out, unpacking his home away from home for this first year at college.
Where to put the laundry bag? (Will he do laundry??!) Do all the sweatshirts fit in the closet? (Why so many hoodies?) Power strip for the alarm clock? Pens? Does he have pens??
I’ve done a college move-in before (Caroline will start her junior year this fall), but the same feels come out: that big next step of letting go.
“Mom, it’s fine,” Josh patted me on the shoulder. “I’ve got it.”
Yeah, he’s got it. We’re lucky that we’re in this place.
Four years ago, Josh started his freshman year in high school from home during the pandemic. He had just lost his dad to cancer one month before. I worried, “What would his path be? Would it be enough for me to guide him through the toughest teen years, to become a young man? Can I teach him what he needs to know? Will he be ready?”
They’re all the questions we ask ourselves as parents: How much do we help and guide, before we have to let go and trust the lessons they’ve learned, and that we’ve tried to model?
I’ve been scaffolding for 20 years, surrounding all my kids with support so they could grow, become stable and strong. With one dorm move-in, the scaffolding now comes slowly down, and it’s time to give him the freedom and space to launch.
With his room set, we grabbed a late lunch, a quick Target run and then the goodbyes.
Josh hugged me and his sisters tight. We are a close unit of four because of all we have been through together. It’s tough that our crew is separating -- two to college, one in high school. There were some watery eyes (me) and yearning for time to stop. But how can you be sad when someone is so happy in their new place?
My role is now changing. Of course, I’m always a phone call or text away for advice and guidance, but he’s no longer in my space every day. He doesn’t check in when he comes and goes. And I can’t monitor laundry (ha), or when he’s eating. Or if he’s doing homework.
“I wonder what Josh is doing right now?” I said aloud to my daughters this weekend.
My girls looked at me. “Mom. He’s got this.”
Yeah, he sure does.
Here’s to new beginnings, adjusting to an emptier nest and learning to let go!