Holiday traditions: Benefits and coping mechanisms

Helping build family bonds

DETROIT – Our holiday traditions -- whether they are eating a holiday meal, hanging up lights or baking cookies -- tend to have a positive effect on our emotional well-being.

According to numerous studies, the relationships between family members improved when they participated in rituals together.

Dr. Hasti Raveau, clinical psychologist and founder of the Mala Child & Family Institute, says that rituals are protective against stress because they are predictable. She believes that holidays allow people to slow down and connect.

“I think so many families, people are on autopilot throughout the year and they’re so busy with the doing, getting things done, going from one thing into another and we all need assistance with the being, which is to be together and present and I think that family holidays and traditions can offer that,” Raveau said.

Debby Pierson, a resident of Novi, finds comfort in putting up lights with her family.

“Everybody is happy at that time,” Pierson said. “Everybody’s smiling. Everybody’s partaking in just the good feeling of something to look forward to.”

The holiday season itself, though, can also be stressful. According to Raveau, people are stressed about tasks they must do as well as some of the family dynamics they need to navigate. Although rituals can help ease stress, they could also exacerbate it. We might blame that stress on a family member or a topic of conversation, but Raveau says that the root cause is something different.

“People don’t know how to deal with their own hard emotions, they don’t know how to deal with other’s difficulties,” Raveau said. “We’re just low-skilled as a society when it comes to coping relationally, interpersonally and with ourselves.”

To reduce holiday-related troubles, Raveau suggests that we build coping skills against stress in our everyday lives. As we take time every day to look inward --- through reading books, listening to podcasts or going to therapy --- we can train ourselves to properly manage stress when it arrives.

“When we’re practicing things when we’re not so stressed, we’re gaining mastery,” Raveau said. “Our brain needs a lot of repetition to be able to master something.”

The best coping strategy, according to Raveau, is mindfulness, which encourages judgment-free observation and acknowledgment of our feelings. Recognizing emotions, even ones like anxiety or resentment is the first step in learning to cope. The next step is to remember that two contradictory things can be true at the same time --- something psychologists call “dialectical thinking.”

“It can be something as simple as ‘I might feel stressed out seeing so-and-so… and I can still feel really grateful for lots of other things,’” Reveau said.

Thinking in black-and-white might just cause more sadness and stress, which is why Raveau suggests avoiding that mindset. Dialectical thinking can be powerful in allowing people to establish boundaries and look inward.

It’s important that we don’t see our traditions as black-and-white either. They can evolve based on the interests and comforts of individuals in the family. Raveau said that families with young kids might benefit from incorporating active rituals, like playing sports or dancing.

“it’s so important to remember that it’s never too late to start your own traditions that feel authentic for you,” Raveau said. “People can always, always do that.”