Caregiving is a labor of love, but it can take a toll, whether it’s for an aging parent, spouse, or child. Often no one tells you when you’re a caregiver how to manage this crucial role in a loved one’s life.
It was quiet time for mama Liz on a Friday morning. With her daughter, Beth Griffith-Manley, on one side, a Lifetime movie on TV, and her home health aide, Sheron, on the other couch.
“She won’t remember people’s names, but she remembers faces,” said Griffith-Manley. “My brain doesn’t stop. I’m thinking about her all night. I’m thinking about what needs to be done next. How do it.”
Griffith-Manley knows what it’s like to juggle life as a professional touring singer, a former contestant on The Voice, and a recognizable personality in Detroit.
But it all became so complicated when her mom had a stroke five years ago. She was an instant caregiver.
Christy McDonald: “No one tells you when all of a sudden you’re a caregiver how to figure it out. How steep was that learning curve for you?”
Griffith-Manley: “It was like me starting at zero and then shooting to 10. What do we do? How do we figure this out, but how do we make sure she’s okay?”
Griffith-Manley knew she wanted to care for her mom at home and at first tried to meet every need around the clock, by herself, and with limited family help.
“I felt like there was a time when I was losing myself,” Griffith-Manley said. “I looked in the mirror and said, ‘Oh my God, I don’t even look like myself. I don’t feel like myself. I’m not sleeping.’ I was trying to do too much balancing a lot. You may not be able to step away for long periods of time. So you can feel trapped. And that’s not a good way to feel.”
There needed to be a change. Thankfully, her mother had signed up for long-term care insurance years ago, so there was a little money to hire in-home care for only several hours a day, which is how they brought in Sheron.
Griffith-Manley pays the other half of her eight hours out of pocket.
“I’ll get my mother up in the morning,” Griffith-Manley said. “My mother will say, ‘Where is she?’ She gets her dressed and cleaned up, she prepares her breakfast, hair appointment, and doctor’s appointments. Sharon will take her when I’m on the road.”
If Griffith-Manley is on tour, it’s a backup system of relatives, her husband Louis Manley and Sheron, with Face-timing every day.
“We have extra help, and I appreciate and love all of them for helping because it’s a big job,” Griffith-Manley said. “Work it out with somebody the best that you can to try and see if somebody can come in and relieve you whenever you are able to work that out, so you have some time to look forward to being yourself and to take care of yourself. Because if you can’t take care of yourself and you’re falling apart, you can’t properly take care of that person.”
It’s a life that Griffith-Manley reminds herself to breathe through and be grateful that she gets to love and care for her mom when she needs it most.
“My mother is so blessed that she’s still here and that we’re able to give her quality of life while she’s still here,” Griffith-Manley said. “She seems to be very happy.”
More: Resources for Michigan caregivers: Where to find help, guidance
Read: Christy McDonald: Local caregivers share stories of love, struggle in our new series
