When I take my reporter hat off, I have a very short attention span -- which is why I’ve been speaking out about this “issue” amongst friends and family for years. That issue is loquaciousness.
I’m sure you have been in a presentation, meeting, or some type of event watching the hands round the clock with no end in sight because someone, or multiple people, just won’t stop talking.
Then, when you think it’s finally over, you hear this: “Now, we are going to open it up for questions.”
And that is usually followed by the first audience member at the microphone saying: “I don’t have a question; I have a comment.” That’s a warning sign that the windy conditions remain.
But at least at an event, you’re not suffering alone. The same can’t be said for a two-person conversation.
I try my best to stay engaged when I encounter a long-winded person, but I have my limits. At some point, I just nod my head repeatedly and daydream to pass the time.
I usually join back in when I believe the runway is in sight. But just as I fasten my seatbelt, put my seat back in the upright position, and tray table up, preparing for the speaker to bring the conversation home, he or she oftentimes decides to circle the airport.
I often wonder, do voluble people know they carry that personality trait? I suspect not.
And for all those people like me, who would like the speaker to relax their vocal cords, we are to blame.
Just think about it. How many times have you heard someone tell someone to get to the point? I’m sure not often.
Instead, most people give verbal and nonverbal cues that they’re listening, even when they’re not. I’m guilty of this. Who wants to be rude?
But what we are doing is sending cues to that person to continue talking because they see us hanging onto every word.
We are to some extent hanging onto every word.
But not in the way they might think. We, the listener, are just in suspense as to when their monologue will end. Each word is like a cliffhanger. Are they done yet?
In Communication Coach Alexander Lyon’s YouTube video “How to Interrupt a Long-Winded Person,” he believes the worst thing a person can do when someone is monologuing is to remain silent.
“They will very likely interpret that as good listening on your part or see it as a reason to keep talking,” Lyons said.
He argues most long-winded speakers won’t be offended if you politely interrupt them.
Lyons suggests using I-language when there’s a brief pause so you can signal your intention to speak next.
If the speaker doesn’t take a breather, sometimes Lyons says you may have to jump right in by saying: “Okay. I got it,” or “I would like to give you my view.”
“Your intention to speak gives them a reason to stop talking. You have to advocate for your space to talk when you’re facing a long-winded speaker,” Lyons said.
In TV news, anchors, meteorologists, and reporters wear an IFB, which is an earpiece that allows the control room to communicate with us in the studio or the field. Whenever we go over our allotted time for a segment or a report, a producer will get in our ear and tell us to “wrap.”
I say, if you have a long-winded person in your life who trusts you for honest feedback, the next time you hear them going on and on and on and on, get in their ear and tell them politely to “wrap.” That way someone else can get a word in.
And before you click away or write in about my verbosity, I’m going to take my own advice.