DETROIT – Turkeys, widely known as one of the meanest, most evil and strange birds on the planet, have been taking advantage of the quieter neighborhood streets around Michigan.
Yes, while your family stays inside during a pandemic, turkeys are lurking around our yards, basically taunting us. But we can fight back -- even though it’s not Thanksgiving.
Related: Turkeys are strange, creepy, evil birds: Here’s the proof
The Michigan DNR is offering some helpful advice to rid yourself of these vile, aggressive creatures.
Wild turkeys are found throughout most of the state and even in some suburban areas. The DNR says turkeys are drawn to birdseed – bird feeders and agricultural fields often attract wild turkeys – so use care when feeding songbirds.
Turkeys that grow comfortable in a suburban setting may become aggressive. Male turkeys, especially, can be aggressive during breeding season and may peck at their reflections in shiny car paint, sliding doors and windows.
So, what can you do? The DNR advises homeowners to start by removing all food sources that can attract wild turkeys. Cover or park vehicles inside, where possible, and use gentle hazing techniques to deter turkeys.
Start by making loud noises and waving to frighten the turkeys.
You also can open and close an umbrella while walking toward a turkey to scare it away.
Related: Farewell, North Campus Turkey. Famed jogger chaser killed in Ann Arbor
Whatever you do, be careful. Turkeys cannot be trusted. They probably don’t have souls and they most definitely leave shopping carts in parking lots. Monsters.
Okay, in all seriousness, the wild turkey is actually a big success story for animal conservation in Michigan. In fact, according to Michigan State University, wild turkeys were thought to have all but vanished from Michigan by 1900, due to habitat loss and unregulated hunting.
Between 1919 and late 1983, many population re-establishment efforts were carried out in Michigan. As part of these efforts, turkeys were taken from Pennsylvania, Iowa, and Missouri as part of these efforts. Some Michigan birds were even moved from southern to northern locations.